The Master of Time Management :: There Be Monsters

Reason #1 never to skip a workout in order to make time for a date. Squats will love you back. Bros who lack common courtesy will not.

I matched with this plaid-wearing stereotype and agreed to go on a date much quicker than I normally do. He was extremely cute with a boyish charm. He had soft, delicate skin and a shy but devious smile. I’m a sucker for a baby face. Best of all? He was JEWISH! I offered to meet at Cooper’s Hall, a wine bar I’ve been dying to try out, but he said he’s more of a dive bar guy. I had read about There Be Monsters online and figured it was worth a shot. It doesn’t make many of the “Best Bars in Portland” articles, so I didn’t have very high hopes.

He suggested meeting on a Thursday, which isn’t ideal for me since I don’t leave work until 6:00pm, much later than my normal shift. I agreed, feeling pretty lucky that this Jewish dreamboat was interested at all, and figured I’d simply go straight from the office. I showed my coworkers his profile and they all groaned, “Look at that stupid smirk! He’s such a douchebag. Cancel now!!!”

Luckily work was dead so I had plenty of time to do my makeup and change before leaving. I had even stopped by the store on my lunch break to pick up some wine for my pre-date wine water bottle ritual. I arrived at 6:10 with plenty of time to get liquored up before our 6:45 date. Then… this happened…



I may be desperate, but I still have my self-respect. If a guy is willing to be this disrespectful on a first date, how is he going to act on the 5th?!

After wasting my evening dicking around on my phone while I was waiting for this asshole, I was spiteful and ready to binge drink. Luckily my friends salvaged the evening and met me for a drink. Thanks, girls!



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